Gratuitous Christmas product tie-in alert!
Not Diary’s – we would never stoop so low – it is ProLogis that is the Yuletide offender.
“When Santa started out, demand for presents was small enough that he and his elves could operate out of one location in the North Pole,” begins a truly heartwarming tale on the ProLogis website.
“However, as the world grew and his customer base increased, his operation needed to mature.”
Can you spot where this is heading?
“As Christmas grew more commercialised, Santa had to make and store more toys,” the story continues. “Like many, Santa was forced to rethink his logistics strategy to respond to the demands of the modern world.”
This tale could only be made worse if it contained an animated video featuring a dancing Santa, a street-talking Elf, a reassurance that ProLogis is handling the Christmas deliveries and a shot of “sleighs in the bays” at a ProLogis warehouse…
You can find the full story of “Santa’s Supply Chain Modernisation” at www.prologis.com.
How do you like them Apples?
Imagine you’re the world’s top designer, and the critics are circling.
Not about your core products – which continue to be universally lauded for their sleek allure – but for your own building.
Diary can understand if you would get a little defensive.
“Apple Park has a very specific role,” snorted Apple’s chief design officer Jonny Ive in a rare interview this month. “It’s not a watch. It’s our house, where we go to work together.”
While he understands how customers can have “strong views and criticisms” of Apple products, he went on: “We make them for other people. We didn’t make Apple Park for other people. So a lot of the criticisms are utterly bizarre, because it wasn’t made for you. And I know how we work. And you don’t!”
In case you missed the point, he continued: “Absolutely all of your feelings and feedback around the MacBook you use, we couldn’t want to listen to more. And we hear. Boy, do we hear.
“But Apple Park, I can’t think of another time in the past, or imagine another time in the future, where we get to try to make something that is for us. Not to indulge in a ghastly selfish way. We made it for us to help us be better, to make better products.”
Or, in layman’s terms: “We know what we’re doing and this is none of your business. Now shut up.”
A Hud-line grabber
Never let it be said that Neal Hudson doesn’t know his stuff.
The UK housing market analyst is a frequent and insightful Tweeter (@resi_analyst) on all things residential, and he was right on two fronts this week.
One, there is often more to statistics than meets the eye.
And two, a future career in headline writing is unlikely to beckon.
I’ve fixed the headline in tomorrow’s Metro
(I suspect they won’t be offering me a job) pic.twitter.com/xTK9pfSgfv— Neal Hudson (@resi_analyst) December 10, 2017
Decoration, decoration, decoration
Forget location, there’s another more important factor when it comes to housebuying: the neighbours.
News reaches us (under embargo, so it must be important) that “three million Brits” have taken action over the state of a nearby property.
According to Churchill Home Insurance, that’s the number of homeowners who “have been so offended by the exterior decoration of a neighbour’s house that they have tried to have it removed”, with particular opprobrium reserved for flagpoles, brightly painted facades and garden gnomes.
And nearly half of the outraged throng say they did so due to concerns over property values.
Churchill goes on to report that a garish building next door can decrease the price of the average home by as much as £29,000.
It also stresses the importance of taking down Christmas decorations swiftly after the festive season.
All of a sudden this week’s headlines about the collapsing market in December make sense – it should all rebound as soon as the chap next door takes down the flashing sleigh on his roof.
The dilapidations dilemma
It’s always good when an EG article gets people talking – and a recent feature on dilapidations has prompted some cross-border banter on Twitter.
Tuffin Ferraby Taylor’s Jon Rowling wrote recently about how dilapidations could be costing businesses around £2bn per year, and whether alternative dispute resolution could be the answer to the problem.
The piece drew a helpful suggestion from Alan McMillan, partner in Scottish law firm Burness Paull: “We have managed tolerably well without it here in Scotland: perhaps you should just abolish it?”
Cue Rowling’s response: “You can’t rush these things, we’re still trying to work out how to interpret it! #90yearsyoung”
The wheels of justice, and all that.
The gift that keeps on giving
It’s Secret Santa season! Time to come up with a gift for that impossible-to-buy-for colleague and feign delight over pieces of festive tat.
But what do you if you end up with the boss?
Well, one shrewd lawyer at Hogan Lovells managed to spread the joy with their creative present purchase – with a little help from the firm’s head of London real estate disputes, Mathew Ditchburn. Or his photo, at least.
Senior associate Tim Reid was full of praise on Twitter, posting: “Hat tip to the Secret Santa who bought a ‘stress relief’ dart gun for a member of the team, but added the boss @mathewditchburn’s face to the target!”
Diary hopes this doesn’t mean someone is gunning for Ditchburn’s job!
