Diary has an experiment for you. If you have elderly parents (or grandparents) read them the phrase “360 CGI bubble image of chimney lift experience” and see if they can make any sense of it. Then get your phones out, click on this QR code and amaze them with the results: a new interactive and immersive CGI bubble image preview of Battersea Power Station’s unique “Chimney Lift experience”, which will provide a breathtaking 360-degree panoramic view for guests when it opens to the public next year. (Alternatively, click here to view the interactive image.)
And if that wasn’t enough to get BPS on the Diary page (spoiler: it was) the PR team quickly followed up with a press release and images of Gordon Ramsay’s new Street Pizza restaurant opening there on 12 April. Sadly, no “360 CGI bubble image” of Ramsay’s pizza to share.
Can we still be the racing car?
One thing Diary has spent more time with over the past 12 months is board games. So we were delighted to receive news in our inbox (headlined “Do not pass go”) of a realistic rival to Monopoly that reflects the UK’s “broken moving process”.
James Jackson, head of marketing at UK Games Investors, said: “I recently moved to the UK and bought a house. Rather, I bought a house at my third attempt, and it convinced me that Monopoly just does not reflect the UK market. I mean, you land on a property, you buy it, and then you roll again and move on and buy another. This may be the way that it works in the rest of the world, but in the UK this is just not realistic. So, we are now introducing an exciting property game that will truly reflect the UK market that we plan to call ‘Gazumped’.”
Gazumped’s “key improvements”, we are told, include the following rules:
- When you land on a property, you can make an offer to buy it, but you then have to go around the board three times before you can actually buy it.
- If anyone else lands on the property, they can make a higher offer, making your offer invalid, but they then have to go around the board three times before they can buy it.
- Instead of Chance, players may land on “WTF!” and be handed cards such as: “The seller has reunited with his wife, and they are reconsidering whether they wish to sell. Move back to square one.”
- Or: “The seller discloses that the third floor was built without planning permission. Go around the board for a fourth time while your solicitors sort it out (but don’t speak to planning).”
- Or: “The building has cladding and needs an EWS1. Go around the board 15 more times while you wait for one of the three qualified people in the country to complete a survey. Give up after a number of years and collect pension.”
- Maybe even: “Your surveyor identifies Japanese knotweed. Go back 10 squares. Spend £300 on napalm.”
- Perhaps best of all: “Your solicitor goes on holiday. Have a nasty turn.”
There are many more!
The e-mail adds: “We believe that a great game has to have an element of risk to make it really exciting, and to really get you hating your fellow gamers, and nothing does this like the UK property market.”
We are completely sold, and can’t wait to play Gazumped. We’re even tempted to click on the link for the free booster pack. But then we notice the press release is embargoed until today’s date. Well played Gazeal!
Canal-scraper
Regular readers of the page will be all-too-painfully aware that there is no topic so tangential that a desperate Diary editor cannot somehow shoehorn a forced real estate angle in somehow. The same would undoubtedly have been true of the big story of last week, the ultra meme-worthy Ever Given container ship that blocked the Suez Canal for days. But, thankfully, software engineer and political activist Steven Buss saved us all the trouble with this brilliantly simple illustration of the scale of the problem. Maybe not a thousand, but his picture saves us a fair few words.
Thought I'd put that ship in perspective pic.twitter.com/QBIo3Op2WE
— Steven (Buss) Bacio 🚀 (@sbuss) March 27, 2021
Not a shocking development
Earlier this year, there was a bit of a trend on Twitter for people highlighting unrealistic Hollywood clichés for different types of people. This sort of thing: “Hello, I’m a bad guy in a film, and when I put a USB stick in anything I get it the right way round first time, every time.”
Diary could have contributed to this as follows: “Hello, I am a property developer in a film or TV show. I am definitely into something dodgy, and probably willing to commit cold-blooded murder to get my latest scheme built.”
The latest example, at least before our eyes, is Grace – ITV’s latest detective drama, set in Brighton and starring John Simm – in which two central characters are highly successful international property developers. We know this because they are on the cover of a framed copy of International Property Insider magazine. Come on ITV, next time, get in touch – we’ll do you a deal for the real thing.
Anyway, if you have ever watched any kind of visual entertainment, it is not really spoiling anything to reveal that all is not as it should be – there are plenty of other twists and turns to keep you guessing. But, as a rule of thumb, it would be a lot quicker if these TV detectives just arrested any developers they meet on sight.
Help!
After the success of last year’s “eat out to help out” scheme, which just about kept some F&B business going, this week we learned of a new “shop out to help out” scheme aiming to save the high street, which has launched with retail pop-up service Appear Here.
The campaign, led by Appear Here owner Ross Bailey, is approaching government officials to support the nation’s once thriving and multicultural independent shops, and official backers include Mary Portas; beauty giant Charlotte Tilbury; Nick Wheeler, owner of Charles Tyrwhitt; Andrew Goodacre, chief executive of the British Independent Retailers Association; and Chrissie Rucker, Owner of The White Company.
All great news, but we can’t help wondering where this will end. Watch out to help out for cinemas? Play out to help out for theme parks? Sleep out to help out for hotels? Maybe even, for charity shops, help out to help out?
How to buy a house
Diary was on the cusp of signing on the dotted line to take on an aggressive level of debt to buy a £60m ramshackle mansion with no central heating, located in the middle of a swamp a 13-hour drive from work… until a timely e-mail arrived in our inbox from the “experts at FHP Living” sharing their top 10 considerations for buying a property.
Apparently, budget, space, location and quality are all factors that should be foremost in mind when embarking on such an endeavour. Then there are the “finer details” – flood plains, flight paths, busy roads and the like – plus matters including fixtures and fittings, travel, flexibility, outside space and potential.
Thanks FHP, you have spared us a lifetime of regret – we will be sure to weigh these issues into the balance next time we select a new home.
Boris’ little monkey
A nursery in Greenford, west London, is probably too far for Boris Johnson to consider sending his young son to. But this didn’t stop the PM from opening the new Monkey Puzzle nursery at Greystar’s Greenford Quay build-to-rent development recently – or from participating in activities with the children.
As a follow-up, Diary is told that Greystar has been in touch with the government about a senior figure visiting again to see the next build-to-rent modular building being delivered onsite. Who knows, maybe Boris could bring Wilfred along to check out the nursery next time?
Share your tales from the quirky side of the property industry by e-mailing diary@egi.co.uk
